Finding that Keeper ….Yeah she’s the one!

Always loved the MJ song “the way you make me feel..u really turn me on…u knock me off of my feet my baby..my lonely days are gone..” beautiful. DESCRIBES THAT WOMAN! So, anyways I wanted to post this below article I read just today:

 

10 WAYS TO KNOW YOUR WOMAN IS A KEEPER

We’ve all heard “oh, there are plenty of fish in the sea” when it comes to dating. But, when was the last time you walked into someone’s house to find hundreds of tiny minnows proudly hung along their mantle?

No. You want the catch. You want the one you couldn’t possibly let go. The one you’d do anything to reel in.

So, how do you know you’ve found a keeper? Here are 10 signs to look out for.

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She doesn’t look for attention.

The women who don’t look for attention, are precisely the women we should be giving our attention to. Girls who are always looking for compliments or to be noticed, are often insecure and looking to overcompensate. What’s more – is that they’re likely more concerned about their own happiness, than they would be about yours.

Women who are content with their own self confidence and don’t look elsewhere for validation, shine from within and will add to your life. The last thing you need is to be a placeholder for a girl who is just seeking something anyone else can give her. This doesn’t provide any sort of foundation for a solid relationship.

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She can hold a conversation.

Believe me – I know how important physical attraction is to a relationship. But, believe me when I say that I also know that it’s not the most important thing, when you’re talking long term.

A woman who truly keeps your attention, makes you excited to see her, or just talk to her – every day – is one worth holding onto. An intelligent, well-spoken, witty, funny woman with killer looks, granted is hard to come by – but, who are you to settle for less than you deserve? Nobody, that’s who.

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She is comfortable in any situation.

Let’s face it, when you’re dating somebody, you’re not alone with them all the time. It’s important to be able to live a full life with them by your side. This means family events, outings with friends, double dates, movie nights on the couch…Not to mention, the activities brought forth by similar interests – which you both should have!

I’ve always used the rule of thumb that if you truly like a girl and feel comfortable bringing her to any social event and leaving her alone if you need to go talk to someone or grab a drink – then she gets major bonus points.

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She doesn’t start petty arguments.

In a healthy relationship, two people should be able to work out their differences via mature conversation and discussion. This does not mean bringing up nonsensical past issues or dwelling on small events that they’ve been emotionally harboring, waiting for the right time to unleash.

A mature woman won’t throw the past in your face or use it as ammunition against you, especially if she has already forgiven you for your mistakes.

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She encourages you.

Even the best accomplishments in life seem to lose their luster when there is nobody to share them with. Your significant other should be one of, if not THE first, people you want to tell exciting news to.

Does your girl get excited about things in your life, even if she doesn’t have personal interest in them? Does she stand behind you, and encourage you to chase your goals and dreams? If so, you have found a teammate worth holding onto.

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She’s your sunshine on a gloomy day (and every day).

Do you wake up every morning excited to talk to her? Or to kiss her on the forehead if you’re there together? Does seeing her name pop up on your phone during a rough day make you forget about all of your worries? Does being with her take you into your own world where nothing else matters?

If you said yes to any of the above, hold onto her, man.

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She puts in effort for you.

I am all about giving in relationships. Personally, I love to give and do things for my girlfriend. Seeing her happy makes me happy – and I believe if two people both feel that way in a relationship, it will be a success.

Her putting in effort doesn’t have to be much. It can be something as simple as keeping her hair or nails done to look good for you. It’s no secret that sometimes the romance wears off of longer term relationships, but you shouldn’t let it – and neither should she.

If a woman continues to do what she knows attracted you in the first place, even after she got you a long time ago, it shows she cares about keeping you around.

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You can laugh together.

Seriously, how big is this one? Simple, but so important. Life can get you down. Work, bills, obligations – your relationship shouldn’t be something on that list. Your girlfriend should also be your best friend who you can do anything with, and have fun doing it.

If they drag you down, it’s time for a change.

You can cry together.

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows. Times get tough, things get hard, and we all need a support system.

Is she there for you when you need her? Are you there for her? If your support is not reciprocated by her, then you need to find someone who understands the importance of your feelings, too.

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You have similar views for the future.

I know man, the future is way off. It’s a scary place, but it’s still there. If you’re in a solid, committed relationship, it’s important to understand where both of you see yourselves, and the relationship – going.

Does she want a ring within a year? A baby? Dude…are you ready for that? If you’re not – what makes you think that she will forget all about it and that your relationship will coast through time without it being an issue?

Compromise is key. The future of your life cannot be dictated by someone else, but it can be affected by them – and working together to find what makes you both happy in the long run, is key.

If you enjoyed this post, please click the blue ‘subscribe’ button up in the left column of this page! Also, don’t forget to check out 10 Ways To Know You’re Dating A Real Man.

 

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While we talk about Love lets talk about safety

Lets talk about sex baby…. we all remember that popular song. Well, sex is great, who doesn’t love it right? What a lot of our generation has forgotten however is the safety measures attached to sex today. The growing HIV/AIDS Epidemic in the United States and definitely in the continent of AFRICA should give all of us pause. Anyways, the MTV Staying Alive Project produced mini-series; SHUGA was a hit, loved it. It was educational and very fun. Watch it here. The season 2 production is on its way, check out the trailer:

Check out SHUGA first Season. 3 EPISODE MINI SERIES



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Dear Steve Jobs,

Dear Steve Jobs,.

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She never knew love….but pain

“One in three women may suffer from abuse and violence in her lifetime. This is an appalling human rights violation, yet it remains one of the invisible and under-recognized pandemics of our time.” Violence against women is an appalling human rights violation. But it is not inevitable. We can put a stop to this.” – Nicole Kidman

This particular post of mine is a subject very dear to my heart and I’m bearing it with no inhibitions, no major plan of facts or stats to quote but whatever I find that could make folks understand and perhaps help others out there, I’ll provide. It’s amazing that as I look back, I realize that out of 10 good women that immediately come to mind, that I can call friends or lovers in my lifetime; at least 8 have an instance and history of been abused at some point in their lives, abused physically and most importantly emotionally as well. My love for women is not a secret and I wear that fact proudly on my sleeve. I admire women, I respect women and I believe they are the gem of this earth who kept some semblance of sanity in a cruel, reckless world fueled by problems usually perpetrated by men.

A brother of mine, ifeanyi Nwoko mentioned today in a Facebook status that “No woman ever enters an abusive relationship knowingly. The man is gentle and kind lures her with gifts and pleasantries. Slowly, isolates her from her friends, isolates her from her family. She is dependent on him either financially, socially, spiritually, or a combination. Then when the beatings start, she is scared to leave. She is tormented everyday with nowhere to run. Some escape, some die.” While this might not be true of every case, it definitely has some home truth to it. I have always asked myself why people stay in abusive relationships and like Rebecca Burns once said, I too believe that the fear of staying has to be greater than the fear of leaving before one makes that firm decision to up and run. Many of the women who have crossed my life that I referred to above have mentioned that the abuser was either a close friend or family member, of course a significant other been high on that list as well. It pains me to see what the abuse has done to the victims. Abuse creates a condition of distrust, fear, low self-esteem and anger. Some get over it while others take longer and seek help to get over it. Unfortunately, some never really truly recover from it, to live a life full of happiness and growth. There are men out there as well who have been abused, please forgive any bias on my part but I chose to focus solely on women in this piece.

It is extremely sad hearing stories of a man pouring acid on his girlfriend or wife, knocking her jaw lose, dousing her with petroleum and setting her on fire, slapping her around in front of the kids and sometimes neighbors or entire neighborhood, etc. Truly what type of animal does this? The same men walk around chest pumping and even pretending to be this good person when you’re nothing but a bully and a coward. It is the biggest instance of BITCHASSNESS that I have witnessed. While I do not advocate it, I do not blame those women you see on the news who got fed up and killed or maimed the abusive man at some point just to be free because sometimes society and the law acts like this problem is invincible and it gets swept under the carpet. No offence but in my experience with my African roots, this is a huge problem as well. Some consider wife beating as a common practice, necessary to implement if your woman gets out of line. Also, so many young girls and ladies have experienced physical abuse like assault and rape but never get to speak out because they either get blamed for it somehow and there is simply no outlet for them to get the necessary protection and justice needed in those cases.

One of Lil Wayne’s songs I’ve come to like is the most out of the box track he’s made in my opinion; I like it purely for the lyrics not the raspy voice, absence of rap or the beat. To quote from that song:
When you was just a young’un, your looks were so precious
But now your grown up, so fly it’s like a blessing
But you can’t have a man look at you for 5 seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself so when you got older
It seems like you came back 10 times over
Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder
See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love, how to love
See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love

This song resonates with the attitude of a lot of young women you see today with low self-esteem issues, trying hard to feel loved, wanted and accepted in all the wrong ways. The worst part is that when real true love comes along, it is hard for these women to recognize it, appreciate it or even trust it, and you can’t blame them. I really wish I can console every woman out there who has had to suffer through abuse, I wish I could bring all of your abusers to punishment, but I can’t. However, I can say that I pray for all of you to find peace of mind and happiness again, pray that you grow and have the strength to walk away today, pray that you have the courage to speak to someone close and trusted like a friend or family member or even legal authority figure, who would help take action, take up your case, defend you and perhaps protect you. It is okay to say NO today, get up and leave that abusive boyfriend, husband, uncle or even father who has reduced you to an almost empty shell and does not realize nor respect your-self in any way, shape or form. No woman should have to go through rape, abuse, incest, etc.

There is so much more I could write about this, so many instances and examples but perhaps I’ll leave that to you readers to give your comments and examples or offer any positive outlets for help to curb this epidemic. Please be very respectful and sensitive to the subject is all I ask. Remember, from me to you… Woman you are beautiful…. You truly are… Embrace your substance and embrace love… far away from your tormentor.

Please for those who need it, the National Domestic Violence site is http://www.thehotline.org/ and the hotline is 1800-799-SAFE. Other outlets are http://www.thebeehive.org http://www.helpguide.org http://www.ncadv.org http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org http://www.rapeis.org http://www.rainn.org

I wish you all Peace, Love and Happiness
-The Chosen

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all the dirty shady things…

Hello Folks,
So I didn’t even bother to try to make any major sense or rhythm out of this post. I just wanted to put stuff out there and let folks take it as it is. I want to talk about BITCHASSNESS existing with a lot of people nowadays. I use that term loosely but in reality some folks are doing shit way shadier than that.
This applies to both male and female and I’m sure some of you who read this might get a prick of conscience knowing fully well that you are one of the culprits, but some would read it and just feel like shit then hate on the post cos they know this is a common practice for them. Anyways below you will find random postings of what constitutes ‘Bitchassness’, shadiness, backstabbing, envious, green eyed monster behavior. Some are actual instances I have witnessed or heard about while some are just made up but you can be rest assured happens all the damn time.

– Females who go around in cliques calling themselves ‘girlfriends’ and ‘sisters’ etc… proclaiming independence yet can’t think for themselves. The moment they need to make firm decisions, they are clueless, swayed by the rhetoric the ‘girlfriends’ spit… yup get some self-esteem chica, bitchassness applies in a lotta ways..

– To piggyback off the top posting, same goes for these so called girlfriends, who will f*&k their girls man in a heartbeat. You eat and drink with her, get your ‘nails done’ and ‘hair did’ together but you are sleeping with her man every time she’s at work or turns around, DAMN. U are a bitchass

– Guys who roll up to you, laugh with you, give u handshakes and fist pound, but immediately you turn around, they are gossiping, hating, talking shit about you with other dudes over the one lonely Heinnekken they sipping on. These dudes are some straight bitches walahi…

– Imagine a dude sending honesty box messages to another dudes girl to talk shit bout her man… like really? Honesty box? You give bitchass a bad name!

– You roll up to the club or an outing, introduce the babe you are with, to guys as your date or girlfriend, you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and dudes tryna slide right in, talking about “are you really with him? Can I get your number and call you sometime” while the babe staring like “am I missing something or did I not just get introduced to you by my man?” yaahhh true story… Bitchass dudes all over

– Dudes calling another dudes girlfriend or wife to talk all kinds of shit about her man and then try to transition into the old ass lines of “you know I can take better care of you” smh.. BITCHASSNESS of the highest order

– GIRLS who see other females and can’t help but to criticize non-stop, calling them names but yet has never exchanged a single hello with the babe ever. I’m sure some of you women have overheard these girls go “that fake ass bitch, she aint cute” or “who does she think she is, very stuck up” OR “look at her, what does he see in her anyway” lol… hating heffas..

I could go on and on but I’ll leave you good folks to add your own replies and tidbits of what you consider BITCHASSNESS in all forms… enjoy the read and I look forward to others opinions lol
Peace, love and good health
– Solitude

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Chivalry was killed..

Chivalry is loosely defined as the act of courtesy, generosity, valor, honor and dexterity in arms reminiscent of medieval knights. In the Neoteric view of chivalry, one can simply describe it as courtesy and respect towards women, as it specifically applies to the male-female interaction.

When I think of what construes acts of chivalry; it includes addressing a woman with respect, opening the car doors, picking up the tab at the end of the date, helping her with her coat, taking out the trash, letting her skip ahead of you in line, observing her first in most situations, etc.. etc… etc. So, nowadays why is it that you hear a lot of women talk about “chivalry is dead” and why is it that a lot of men don’t even know the term nor are they inclined to want to practice it. If Chivalry is dead, who killed it? As a gentleman of substance, I can safely say that I know the term, practiced it and seen it gradually fade out of our society. Yes Chivalry has died a slow death. Who killed it? Media, pop culture, religion, men and women amongst others.

The media tends to propagate a new age system whereby equality of the sexes is such a serious issue that it should apply to every realm of society in our norms, culture and behavior. However, the discussion of equality is myopic in my view and tends to not draw the lines when it comes to established roles of men and women historically within different cultures. When showing “third world” countries on TV for example, you sometimes get to see how the culture is belittled by the discussion that ensues when showing gender roles; the man going to work (farm, fishing, hunting, etc) and the woman been at home tending the house and family or in the market place, is made to seem as if the woman is subservient and living with a form of abuse. Sometimes, you get the feeling from social and general media that expressing forms of chivalry might be seen as insulting to women nowadays. It’s even more apparent in pop culture, when you see some of the music videos and the ‘video hoes’. What do you teach a growing teenage boy, when his view of women is molded by MTV, VH1, BET and such with soundtracks of “where da dollars at” and “make it rain trick” to accompany it. A lot of boys now think that if they got some swag and some dough, they don’t have to do shit else to please any woman talk less of respect her. She needs to shut the hell up, stay in her lane and enjoy the ride. Even grown men are influenced by this new wave of degenerate culture as well, and yes it is even supported in part by religion! Islam, Christianity and other religions, when twisted and interpreted in the ‘right’ way, gives the impression that women should be quiet, subservient and be okay with been treated as property.

Lastly, the main culprits who murdered chivalry are men and women themselves. The feminists and liberals who have clouded the gender roles and therefore killed the respect that goes with it. Men tell other men that it’s of no use been chivalrous ‘cos these women “don’t deserve it” or will “find it offensive”; they make a strong case of how women would take it for granted and how it needs to be earned by ‘these women’, instead of it been a natural characteristic of any sensible well trained gentleman. Then of course you have the women who want to be treated equally in every shape or form YET want the man to open the door, have them skip ahead in line, carry your groceries, address you with courtesy and respect, BUT not to expect any favors or respect back ‘cos ‘you are not his slave’ and ‘can do bad all by yourself’. Yeah, there is what I call a Neo-narcissist form of behavior that exists these days with both men and women that seems to make them think it’s alright to have their cake and eat it too, expect all but give little back in return.

As for me, my father thought me well, therefore I’ll continue to be a gentleman and hold everyone in regard with a basic level of respect. I tend to try my best to treat women the right way, with that old school gentlemanly swag :). I do agree that some women don’t appreciate it, mainly because they are not used to it and, or just plain too vain to appreciate it. I will say this to men out there, it’s okay to be chivalrous, its part of the fabric of a real man, never mind that some of these women are just simple and misguided. For the women, it’s okay to expect it and it’s totally okay to appreciate it, even if by simply saying “thank you” when a guy does the right ‘little things’ he is supposed to do. Some of these guys out here are just plain rude and you shouldn’t accept shitty behavior from them, while some of them are good guys who just haven’t been thought the art of been a gentleman and therefore lack the chivalrous nature therefore cut them some slack and perhaps teach them.

I wish you all peace, joy and blessings

-The Chosen

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Grace…effortless

The historical Finnish humanist Yrjo Kallinen wrote: Grace means more than gifts. In grace something is transcended, once and for all overcome. Grace happens in spite of something; it happens in spite of separateness and alienation. Grace means that life is once again united with life, self is reconciled with self. Grace means accepting the abandoned one. Grace transforms fate into a meaningful vocation. It transforms guilt to trust and courage. The word grace has something triumphant in it.

For me, grace is an effortless gift of nature and God, that transforms us and everything around us, giving way to a certain level of self realization. Grace is not what you are wearing, what your pedigree is, how educated you are, how rich you are, how pretty you are or who your circle of friends are. It is more of an aura that comes from the inside, the ability to walk into a room and exude an aura that is almost immediately noticeable by all around. Grace is that composure with which you handle situations and the strength with which you handle life’s situations when those travails come at you. How you learn from it and turn it into positive to reinvent yourself, is not only courage but it is as Ernest Hemingway put it, GRACE under pressure.

I have always tried to maintain grace under pressure. The sheer simplicity of been able to take things in stride, ignore it, mull over it or handle it on the spot, while maintaining my dignity and not compromising my integrity is my closest I have come to grace. Lately, I had to exercise grace under pressure when faced with an incident that included a vicious proverbial ‘back stabbing’ by folks I happened to have given the benefit of doubt despite past transgressions. The lack of trust, loyalty and grace exhibited served as another bitter pill of life to swallow once again. However, so far I am proud of the grace I in turn exhibited in handling the situation so far. Can’t promise it’ll last though lol. I think Grace is innate for some but also can be cultivated over a period of time as long as you have the right disposition for it. I want to write about TRUST but it might take all day. lol

I wish you all peace, love, happiness and good health!
Solitude The Chosen

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If I only knew…

Just sharing some past reflections I like to call my poetic epiphany lol… maybe it’ll give way to me finding my ‘mojo’ or muse to create more poetry.

If I only knew that I could walk into a room
and be mesmerized by her piercing eyes
I would have walked into any room she was in
lifetimes ago, over and over

If I only knew that I would be entranced
by the sweet tingling lilt of her voice
I would have tuned my ears to her permanently
lifetimes ago, over and over

If I only knew I would be feverish and jolted
by her tantalizing, smooth gentle touch
I would’ve made a tattoo of her palms on my skin
lifetimes ago, over and over

If I only knew I would be thrown into ecstasy
with the sweet tasting nectar from her kiss
I would have sought her tongue with mine
lifetimes ago, over and over

If I only knew I would be fulfilled and happy
by the endless tender love and caring she shows me
I would have loved her spirit, body and soul
lifetimes ago, over and over.

I wish you peace, love and joy
– The Chosen

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Life, death and us…

It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth — and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up — that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

This past week was very trying… melancholy and quite humbling. Some alarming tragic events back to back, caused me to take a step back and think about life again. Why are we here? What are we doing while here and how would the world regard us after our journey here on earth ends?

My heart goes out to my brothers Nanfa aka DJ Smooth and Tayo aka Tmoney who both lost their father(s) this past week. I pray for Gods strength to help them get through this period, for them to be rocks to their individual families. In addition, the DMV community lost a young, dynamic and incredibly talented brother Joseph aka Jody Jazz. What stands out with this young man was that he had been in a fight for life and health for years; yet he made an outstanding positive impression on everyone through his good attitude, talent and outlook on life. He was a talented artiste and would be sorely missed. It struck me that everyone had something sincerely positive to say about this brother and they meant every word of it. It’s said that he died with a smile on his face and I can truly see why.

So needless to say, it was a week that got me thinking about life in general. I want to be able to enjoy life to the fullest. I’m the guy who hasn’t taken a real vacation in years, stresses a lot, works a lot, plays hard sometimes but rarely do I go a day without thinking of what I would have left behind if I leave this life today. I’ve had my brush with death and I’m glad to still be here today even though sometimes on a rare bad day, I tend to just hate life for one reason or the other. I am yet to entirely decipher everything I’m feeling, but I do know that I want to take the term Live, Love and be Happy seriously at this point in my life. I want to be close to God in this life, dedicate myself to things I truly believe in, impact others positively, take good care of my family, love and be loved, spread as much good cheer and smiles onto other’s lives and accomplish great things personally and professionally while at it.

I do hope all of you reading this take time to enjoy the simple good things in life like friends, family and even a loved one. I wish you peace, joy, love and good health!

-The Chosen (Ecclesiastes 7:1)

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I love..black love…

There’s a lot to be said about black love. In this day and age, so many if’s, but’s and although’ plague the beauty and purity of black love and the black family.

We see so many articles and interviews of sister’s pouring their hearts out lamenting the state of black relationships and how hard it is to find a good brother out there. Brother’s have their share of complaints as well. In the media, pop culture and society, the state of black love is derided as almost non-existent, painted as volatile, violent and negative. It pains me because we as black people are beautiful and we need to get back to appreciating each other a whole lot more than we do now. A lot of us are so jaded and influenced by so much projected negativity about our race.

Now, I do not discriminate and I have absolutely nothing against inter-racial dating or any sort of relationship or love that crosses race barriers. It’s not my point at all. I guess I am just trying to reiterate the positivity that exists, when love exists within my race. I mean I loovvee me a black woman and I don’t hide it, love ’em in all shades; dark mocha, brown skin, caramel, light skin, it doesn’t matter… a black woman has a certain *sigh* “je ne sais quoi” to her that just makes me go uumm umm umm… and more importantly makes me want to love a good one. LOL Ok leme stop. I think you all get the point. LOL.. *clears throat*

So check out the video of the song ‘Till the End of Time’ by Timothy Bloom feat. Veronika ‘V’ Bozeman. You can state your opinion about the video itself (a D’Angelo-esque ‘How Does it feel’ type), but more importantly listen to the lyrics as well. I happen to think the song and video both, are beautiful with a certain sexy purity to it.

I wish you all peace, love and good health!
– The Chosen

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